Im trying to start writing again...

After almost 4 years of writers block, I've decided to try my hand at writing again. I used to write constantly. Documenting everything in either a story or a simple journal entry. I was writing every single day. After my father passing away suddenly my mind shut down. I just stopped. Everything stopped. Now, after having an amazing marriage and an incredible child, I feel like I have stuff to write about again.

I just cant figure out what.

I want to write something epic, and heartfelt. I want to write something that will speak to someone’s soul. In the past I have written my life, my life mimicked in a fictional story, and just random rants about what was wrong in my life (with funny inputs here and there to lighten the mood so it wasn’t a completely whiny ‘woe is me’ tirade). As of right now the only complaint I have is that I don’t have enough money. Which isn’t entirely true. We are fine. I just wish we were more than fine. And I consider that something that isn’t worth complaining about.

I read things about bestselling authors who ‘had a dream’ and then wrote what they dreamt, and had a happily ever after with a 4 book deal and a movie...(yes I am jealous). If I wrote what I dreamt about I would be a nervous wreck. It’s bad enough having it float around in your subconscious, but to have it in physical form for all to see would be a little too much. And I don’t want people to know what I dream. Way too personal. I guess I could take my dreams and do variations of them…that might work. I just dream some dark shit, and I don’t want to subject innocent people to my darkness. I don’t want to be associated with horrid things. Like ‘ooh she writes about murder, she might lose her marbles and murder someone’. Or my favorite, ‘ooh she writes about sex, she must be a nymphomaniac whore”.

I’ve made the assumption, as I’m sure we all have, that writers write what they know. I don’t even know when I heard it, but some well meaning teacher or professor told me to write what I know. That that was the best way to get the creative juices flowing. Well, I know a lot of things (as most people do). Most of it is useless knowledge not worth writing about, but a lot of it is tragic and dark. Stuff that no one really wants to read. Stuff that I don’t feel comfortable with sharing. And then the other stuff I know is the happily ever after crap. Ok, so finding and falling in love with an amazing husband and having a beautiful child together isn’t crap, but it doesn’t make for a great novel. Stories like ours are a dime a dozen in the romance section at borders. Not to demean our love story, but its true. Romance is a ridiculously large genre. And they are all different variations of the same story. Meet, fall in love, something bad happens, get back together and live happily ever after.

I’m struggling with having an original thought. I’ll be in the midst of brainstorming this awesome story line only to come to a screeching halt when I figure out that the story I was making in my head is actually a story I read 10 years ago. So frustrating. As someone aspiring to be a writer and looking to get something published, plagiarism is not something I want to be associated with. Even a little bit. No thanks.

So until I have a dream worth writing about, I will continue to write my thoughts. I have a list of things I don’t want to write about. But I feel like in making that list, I have limited my creativity. And I’m not all that creative to begin with, so limitations just won’t bode well for me.

I may have found a muse in Robert Pattinson. Not because of what he looks like (although I do have to agree with the majority of the female population...hes a hottie), but his song on the twilight soundtrack just does it for me. Which is odd because I’m not usually into music like his, but I find it beautiful and inspiring. At least today I do. Tomorrow might be another story.

Tomorrow it might irritate me.